Have you ever said to yourself any of the following?
He’s not always like this…
He doesn’t do “this” (insert terrible behavior here) everyday…
At least he doesn’t hit me…
At least he works and helps me out with the kids…
Each of those statements begins with the preposition that assumes that whatever behavior follows it happens at a minimum. “At least” is the same as saying “if nothing else”. Let’s think about that for a moment, “if nothing else”, the second phrase says it all.
Do you really want to be with someone who contributes ‘nothing else’ to your life?
That is not a fulfilling situation. From life experience I have found that men generally do not change, no matter how much you want them to. They get better about hiding those negative behaviors that you have an issue with. They mask them with niceties and gifts but the real underlying behaviors are still there.
No matter how much you beg them or tell them what you have a problem with unless they truly and deeply love you (and sometimes not even then) they will not change those behaviors.
In order for a person to change, THEY must first ACCEPT that they need to, and then they must WANT to. See the key words in that sentence? They Accept that they are doing wrong, and They make the decision that they Want to Change. Those particular words are capitalized to help YOU realize that the Change your seeking has to happen within the person who is doing the behavior. You have no part in their choices, and that is a hard pill to swallow.
That being said, focus on you, Love. Focus on what YOU can do for YOURSELF. What new self-care activity can you participate in that can add happiness and joy to your life. Because you do not need another person to have those things. Do not worry about your partner/spouse. Focus on you and I guarantee that once you start doing that, you will gain a new sense of “self”. This sense of self will give you strength & enlightenment. And you need that in order to cope with and be able to move on from this situation. A huge part of being with a person who does things like this, is the fact that it makes you stagnant in everything else in your life. It emotionally holds you hostage from being a parent, achieving your goals such as; accelerating your career or your education, and generally just being successful and functioning.
You do not have to be affected any longer than you choose to, so make the decision today, that is best for you. Because the longer you let it continue, the more life, motivation and energy it is sucking out of your soul.
Make the Choice, CHOOSE YOURSELF & F.L.Y.
If need you help learning to FLY, please contact our Centre and one of our brilliant and compassionate counselors would be very happy to help you begin that process. Remember there is support available and you are important and loved.
Love & Hugs